The Perfect Adventure Holiday

We didn’t see very much on our coach trip through the desert as we slept for most of the time but we arrived at Uluru around five in the morning before the hoardes of other tourists began to arrive. We were just in time to watch the sun rise over the rock which was a magical experience as it seems to change colour visibly throughout the day from a dark silhouette through blues and oranges to a sandy reddish hue in the full light of day.

The desert is bewitching at that time of the morning anyway, as the pink and orange sunlight creeps over the sandy wilderness, peeking softly between the ancient gumtrees. In the presence of something as ancient, alien and understatedly spectacular as Uluru the experience borders on spiritual.

Uluru is what the local Pitjantjatjara people call Ayers Rock. Surprisingly this word has no specific meaning in their language, but it is also used as a local family name by the Traditional Owners of Uluru.

It was first seen by white settlers on 19 July 1873, when surveyor William Gosse sighted the landmark and named it Ayers Rock in honour of the then Chief Secretary of South Australia, Sir Henry Ayers. Since then, both names have been used, although Ayers Rock was the name used by most people up until 1993 when it became known officially as Ayers Rock/Uluru in order to highlight its cultural significance to both aboriginal Australians and those of European descent or “Blackfellas and Whitefellas” as they are known in the area. This dual naming was then reversed to Uluru/Ayers rock, presumably in recognition of the fact that the Blackfellas had been in the area for approximately 30,000 years longer than the Whitefellas had.

There are many myths legends and stories connected with the rock, and these are each connected to specific sacred sites in the area. Most are connected to the dreaming, the aboriginal belief system which explains the formation of the landscape through the ancestors, the spiritual fathers of all the animals of the bush. According to the aboriginal owners of Uluru;

The world was once a featureless place. None of the places we know existed until creator beings, in the forms of people, plants and animals, traveled widely across the land. Then, in a process of creation and destruction, they formed the landscape as we know it today. Anangu land is still inhabited by the spirits of dozens of these ancestral creator beings which are referred to as Tjukuritja or Waparitja.

There are a number of differing accounts given, by outsiders, of Aboriginal ancestral stories for the origins of Uluru and its many cracks and fissures. One such account, taken from Robert Layton’s (1989) Uluru: An Aboriginal history of Ayers Rock, reads as follows:

Uluru was built up during the creation period by two boys who played in the mud after rain. When they had finished their game they travelled south to Wiputa… Fighting together, the two boys made their way to the table topped Mount Conner, on top of which their bodies are preserved as boulders. (Page 5)

There are tales of serpent beings who waged many wars around Uluru, scarring the rock in various places which are still told today. Others tell of two tribes of ancestral spirits who were invited to a feast, but were distracted by the beautiful Sleepy Lizard Women and did not show up. I am all for signing up to any religion that has beautiful Sleepy Lizard Women to be honest.

In response, the angry hosts sang evil into a mud sculpture that came to life in the form of a dingo. There was then a great battle, which ended in the deaths of the leaders of both tribes and in sorrow, the earth itself rose up in grief at the bloodshed, becoming Uluru.

It is sometimes reported that those who take rocks from Uluru will be cursed and suffer sickness and bad luck. There have been many cases recorded where people who removed rocks attempted to mail them back to various agencies to remove the curse.

The rock is littered with sacred places, each with its own dreaming story attached to it and the aboriginal guides do not like you to take photographs of them so as a result I have few pictures of the rock. Many people choose to ignore this which I personally believe shows a tremendous lack of respect for the people who have looked after it for so many thousands of years. Even more so those that climb it. It astonishes me that people even consider climbing it and personally I think that the practice should be stopped altogether. Several controversial incidents in 2010, including a striptease, golfing and nudity on top of Uluru, have led to renewed calls for banning the climb.

When we had been around the rock and the accompanying visitor centre, we headed out to Kata Tjuta, another sandstone formation nearby. This was almost like a gorge, raised above the desert floor and had its own associated dreaming stories such as marks on the walls where the spears of great ancestral hunters had struck them in the dreamtime.

A number of other dreamtime legends surround the great snake king Wanambi who is said to live on the summit of Mount Olga and only comes down during the dry season although the majority of mythology surrounding the site is not disclosed to outsiders as it is still actively used by the local aboriginal people in ceremonies.

The day we spent in Uluru Kata Tjuta national park was one of the most memorable of the whole trip. The atmosphere is difficult to describe, even with such large crowds visiting it. Uluru seems almost to transcend all that surrounds it, ignoring the hoards that visit it every day. It is easy to see how this became a spiritual place to the Pitjantjatjara people. Although not religious people ourselves, Faye and I still agree that this was as close as we have come to a truly spiritual experience.

Nearly ten years ago, I was backpacking around the world with my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and while on the backpackers trail, we learnt many valuable lessons. Amongst the most important stands the one I am going to impart to you now.

Never, NEVER strike up conversation with the guy on his own at the bar.

That’s right. He may seem approachable, friendly, affable, polite, positively welcoming in fact. But do not be fooled. That man, is an idiot.

Now as we all know, the universe is held together by ‘The Force’ and the force has a light side and a dark side. These two opposites are delicately balanced and as a direct result of this, if a man finds a handful of change down the back of his sofa in Hong Kong, a sales rep in Basingstoke will accidentally toast his genitals in a Corby Trouser Press. Unfortunately this universal law means that everything good in the world is naturally accompanied by something bad. This means that like curry and the trots, pubs and idiots often go hand in hand.

The pub idiot comes in many guises, each more cunningly designed to lure you into their dingy corner of the bar than the last. I shall now attempt to describe them in order to warn you before it’s too late.

1. The crazy old man. He has had a skin full by mid afternoon. He doesn’t have to be back into the hospital for a few more hours and he is looking for somebody to talk to. That somebody is not you. Remember this.

2. The aging alcoholic. He likes to get up bright and early so he is ready to face the day ahead, which is the reason he is outside the pub before the barman has even arrived. He prefers real ale because of its strong flavour and he prefers Wetherspoons pubs because of their lively atmosphere and sophisticated clientele. The fact that the beer is dirt cheap and the bar staff are not troubled by excessive levels of inebriation is unrelated.

3. The friendly young guy. The most devious of them all, this man looks well dressed, well adjusted and well heeled. Do not be fooled. Should you come within 6 feet of him he will politely introduce himself before embarking on a series of lies that would make Baron Munchausen blush. I have heard many of these over the years, and I will now give you a small selection of the best in no particular order.

- I am not allowed to talk about what I do for a living.

- I’ve got a Porsche and a Lambourghini at home but I decided to take the Fiesta today.

And my favourite by a country mile,

- I was at a friends flat in New York when an argument broke out. One guy threatened another with a pistol, and to diffuse the situation my friend threatened them both with a rocket launcher. I wasn’t scared because that sort of thing goes on all the time where I’m from.

Pure comedy gold.

So, the lesson to take home today is this. If you go into a strange pub, take a deep breath and start chatting with the group of friends in the corner. Don’t take the cowards option and chat to the friendly stranger on his own at the bar. He is on his own for a reason. He’s as mad as a bag of snakes. The locals already know this. Make sure you do, too.

No matter how you approach the Eternal City, it leaves its mark on you.

Visiting Rome on a repeat of our honeymoon, we saw all the historic sights, enjoyed the opera. Every morning we breakfasted on a “cappuccino e cornetto” in the busy bars on the Via del Corso, near our hotel. The cornettos, Italy’s equivalent of the croissant, were hot and delicious.

At other times we grabbed snacks in one of the thousands of pizza spots. Rome is not a cheap city, but in a tavola calda (literally “hot table”) snackbar, you could enjoy a pizza and a beer for five or six bucks.

Wandering through the narrow streets of the old quarter of Trastevere, we took shelter from a rainstorm in a cosy restaurant. It was your authentic trattoria, with check table-cloths and photos of illustrious clients on the walls.

The only other diners, occupying a long table, were certainly not tourists. Dark-suited and tough-looking, they were a confident bunch, joking, backslapping, occasionally talking into their mobiles. Outside the narrow street was lined with their late-model cars, all illegally parked.

When the group started quaffing Asti Spumante, one came over and filled our glasses. Some special occasion, I asked. He smiled, winked, and whispered in my ear.

“Polizia.”

As I digested this and my fettuccine, I could not help thinking these guardians of the law bore a disturbing resemblance to extras from The Godfather.

I had cause to remember them a few days later. We were heading for the Termini station and, in the absence of taxis, jumped on a bus. There was standing room only and a brown-suited little man obligingly made way for us.

As we swayed through the streets, Signore Brown Suit seemed to have difficulty keeping his feet and several times he shifted his hands from one strap above his head to another, and bumped into us.

Then, at one stop, he abruptly departed. Seconds later, a nasty thought crossed my mind and I felt my securely buttoned breast pocket. The cash I had just drawn from the bank was gone. At that point, I wished I had asked for the telephone number of our Godfather friends.

My mortification did not lessen when I checked my guidebook. “Be particularly careful on bus number 492 to Termini,” it warned.

But one thing you had to admit: In Rome even the pickpockets are artists.

Whatever you feel about the Eternal City, you can’t be indifferent to it. And you can’t forget it. The train to Naples was waiting, but we would be back.

The sights to determine and places to go in Thailand are nearly endless. It literally may take years to experience all of the wonders this little country provides. Ok now what you’ll be able to do, is entirely determined by your time and budget. But this article will cover probably the most popular, not to be missed destinations.

Visit The Waterfalls
If you make the right path to Ko Samui, going to the waterfalls is essential. There are many falls to select from and all are stunning and pretty simple to reach, either by jeep or on foot. Taking a dip within the swimming holes at the end of the falls on a hot day (which is every day!) is certainly around the ‘must do’ list.

Take An Elephant Ride
When you are in Chaing Mai, riding an elephant in his natural habitat is really a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The elephants used to be used to clear fallen trees from the jungle paths however that machines took over, they are used to entertain the tourist. They are gentle giants that, for the most part, are very well looked after. They’ve ones that even paint pictures and can sign their names!

Tour The Tiger Temple
I happen to be a huge cat lover, making this on the top of my to-do list. Head over to Kanchanburi and spend the day feeding, bathing and playing with wild tigers. The storyline is – a monk found an infant tiger after its mother had been killed by poachers and brought it to the temple to care for it. It became just like a mascot and word spread. Other’s began bringing orphaned cubs for them also it soon was a sanctuary. The tigers roam freely and interact with tourists (using the monks’ supervision). All money collected in the tours goes to offer the monks (and also the tigers obviously). Essential do!

The Reclining Buddha
Bangkok houses the Wat Pho, or Temple from the Reclining Buddha. Wat Pho is one of the oldest and biggest temples and it includes a 150 foot reclining, gold-plated Buddha statue with its feet inlaid with mother of pearl. Extensive grounds, the original Thai massage school and a lot of history here. definitely go see it.

The Long Neck Women
In Chiang Mai you will discover a place called Mae Hong Son, in which you will find the tribe of the Long Neck Women ( also called Brass Ring women or Giraffe Tribe). A custom of the Karan tribe is to add brass rings towards the necks of the women to literally stretch their necks. These are poor tribal people and therefore are completely supported by tourist now. It’s a great photo opportunity and something of those rare things to see personally.

The Beaches
This 4g iphone type of is obvious but with a lot to determine and so a multitude of locations to go to, it might be simple to get up to date in each and every tour, shop and photo opp that there’s to consider advantage of. Beaches of Thailand are spectacular, particularly in Ko Samui. Ensure that you take a minimum of a couple of days to do only soak up the sun and scenery.

You will find jungle treks, marine parks, aquatic sports and parties until dawn. You’ll never run out of items to experience in this excellent country. Just remember to travel safely, decided on a tour company and hotel that you simply trust, respect the culture and have a excellent time!